Tribute

I don’t even know how to start this post, I guess I just need to start typing and see what happens. On Monday my father passed away after a long hard struggle with the aftermath of a stroke and dementia. It’s a really weird feeling. Both of my parents are now gone. All of my blood relatives are on the other side of the Atlantic. Although I am married, and I have a number of wonderful friends, there are times now when I feel so totally alone. I can’t quite explain it. Maybe it is just the fact that I will never see my parents again. Being an only child – they were *my* family.

My dad was a wonderful man, but he really wasn’t much of a grownup. I think that was a lot of his appeal to so many people – especially children. My mom always was the grownup – she was the one who made sure that everything that needed to get done got done. This doesn’t mean that my dad was a deadbeat. He wasn’t at all. He worked hard and supported our family financially. He did all of the “man” things around the house and he did them with pride.

By not being a grownup I mean that my dad was the person who had creative ambitions and a very silly sense of humor. He was the person who followed his passions wherever they led him. Like a child, he was filled with wonder – even when he was an old man. He delighted in nature. He spent most of his free time behind a camera lens. When he wasn’t behind the lens he we sitting in front of an editing machine. When he wasn’t sitting in front of an editing machine, he was taking 100 mi Saturday morning bike rides. My mom on the other hand made sure the bills were paid, the savings were squirreled away, the pantry was stocked and the house was clean. She took a lot of pride in all of these things. She was a homebody and that made her very happy. Personally, I don’t think that was a great trade-off in a relationship, but I think they both were very happy to have their own separate passions.

For the last 9 years since my mom passed away I have taken care of my father. For the first 4 years, it wasn’t much more than providing moral support and financial advice. Frankly, during this period I sort of covered my eyes and pretended not to see the warning signs of someone who was struggling with managing his day to day life. During the last 5 years it was so much more. After his stroke, I took over all of his finances. My husband and I cleaned out his house and sold it before the housing market crashed. I made sure he had the best physical therapy and rehab after his stroke. We moved him close to us into an assisted living community that really grew to love him. I did my best, even though I dealt with people who sometimes told me that I didn’t do enough. According to some of his friends I should have had him move into my own home. I think that they were in denial about how ill he really was. My home had stairs and steep hills. My father had enough problems negotiating getting out of bed in the morning. I just wanted him to be safe. I wanted people who were capable of taking care of him to do so.

I have to admit, in some ways I am a lot like my father. I have my passions, and I follow them, consequences be damned. I’m not a good nurturer. I’m not patient. There’s a reason I don’t have my own children, it’s because my lifestyle and my personality aren’t compatible with that kind of responsibility. I feel like I introduce enough chaos into my life all by myself, I don’t need any more.

Dad, even though you were only a fraction of former yourself near the end of your life, I will miss having you as part of my life. You had a smile for everyone. You enjoyed all of the simple things in life. You delighted in the outdoors and in wildlife. You weren’t the perfect father, but you were the perfect father to raise someone like me. Rest in peace. I love you.

The Softening of America

We’re now in that strange time of year at the beach, Spring Break mixed with locals. This part of North Carolina isn’t a big Spring Break spot – we’re a family beach. There are no big hotels, there are no big bars. What we have is row after row of single family houses and some condos. Our beach is still empty this time of year – mostly local older shell hunters in their jeans and sweatshirts. Now we’re seeing the occasional houseful of college age kids having fun trying to keep warm on the beach in their bathing suits and winter pasty white skin. Seeing these unusual creatures on the beach, plus a short discussion about leanness on Facebook led me to write this post.

I remember being in college. I remember all the bad things we ate and drank. I also remember how skinny we all were back then. I was a Math & Computer Science major…. you know the people who sit in front of video games and other flickering screens for hours on end. We were still slender. Most of the guys I went to school with didn’t have a 6 pack, but at least they didn’t have a thick cushion of fat on their bellies. As for me – people still call me thin (which I disagree with, but more on that later) now – but back then I weighed a good 20lbs less than I do today. There was nothing to me, neither muscle nor fat. I was skinny. I don’t consider that term to be complimentary.

What I’m seeing today is light years away from what I saw in 1986. College students have changed a lot in under 30 years. Now it is surprising to see someone who is slender or fit. Even most “thin” kids have a good layer of fat on them. They are the size of the folks that we considered “chubby” back when I was in school. The heavier kids now have rolls of fat. When you put on a bathing suit, the beach does not lie. There’s a lot more to those puffy faces than “baby fat”. Most young men have beer bellies fit for 40 year olds, and double chins. Young women have saddle bags, paunches and serious muffin tops. They all look like if you’d poke them with a finger that it would sink right in – a couple of knuckles deep in many instances. What gives? With all of this talk about obesity in America, you would think that the the more educated contingent of our young folks would at least make an attempt at being healthy and fit.

I’ll say it again. What gives?

I keep hearing that skinny is the new rich. Maybe it really is that elusive to most people. I’d argue that most people shouldn’t be striving for skinny or even thin. One of the best quotes that I’ve heard (I wish I could remember the source) is that skinny people look good in clothes, lean people look good in bathing suits (ok it was naked). I have to agree.

Lean DOES NOT equal thin. Thin is what you see in Paris and in a lot of other major cities around the globe where being thin is part of being fashionable. Thin is what you see on fashion runways. Thin is typically what you get when you do a lot of endurance athletics. Think about what your average marathon runner looks like. Some of those people have a surprising amount of fat on them percentage wise. To get thin, you need to exercise a LOT more and/or eat a lot less. You can get skinny on a diet of Twinkies if you don’t eat a lot of them. That experiment has already been done. See the Twinkie Diet Professor. To get lean, you need to eat an appropriate amount of calories for the weight you want to maintain, and you also need to eat “clean”. Lots of veggies, some fruits, plus fatty fish and lean grass fed meats.

Lean can be thin – but that depends entirely on your body type. Lean also can be considered grossly overweight if you’re using the BMI chart and you have a stocky build and you are a muscular person.

As for me, give me muscles. I want Michele Obama arms and a sprinter’s legs. I’d rather be lean than thin. I definitely don’t want to be considered skinny again. And… I definitely don’t want to be soft.

Business vs Personal

Over the last year I have struggled with sharing personal info on this blog as well as business related themes. I can be a pretty transparent person in both my business and my personal life and for some people I might be sharing too much information that they don’t care about. I know that some people care about one topic, some people care about the other, and some people (bless you!) care about both.

I have successfully copied ALL business related posts to my consulting company’s blog – Two Kayaks Blog. Going forward, all topics related to management, running a business etc. will be posted on that site. If you want to see travel pictures, garden pictures and learn more about the research that I have done on diet, exercise, and household renovations you will want to keep reading here.

Thank you all for sticking with me for all these years!

Things are Going to be Changing

Just a heads up that I am currently working on a revamp of this site. I’ll continue to post personal observations here, but I will be moving / copying all of the business related info to my blog over at www.twokayaks.com as I continue to update that site. Going forward, that’s where you’ll find business topics if you’re mostly interested in those. I didn’t like that this blog was turning into a strange mix of “stuff” and that it was getting harder and harder to find business relevant topics.

Stay tuned.

Things That Can Go Wrong When You’re Losing Weight

Well, looking back at January it sure has been quite a month for me. I think I’ve had enough excitement to last a full year. Hopefully this isn’t a harbinger of things to come for the rest of 2012. January started off with about 2 weeks of healthy eating and regular exercise. YAY! Now I will follow that with all of my excuses:

  1. Spent a long weekend in New Orleans. Basically ate and drank my way all over town. I’ve been good, don’t I deserve a cheat weekend (um… how did that turn into 5 days of gluttony, I even ate bread and a biscuit!)? Came home at 137lbs – that sucked.
  2. Promptly got sick for a week and a half once I got home. Bad diet? Too many cocktails? Air travel? Lots of strangers? Check, Check, Check and Check. Couch, chair, bed… repeat. Ate lots of homemade vegetable soups that I froze earlier in the winter.
  3. Two day whirlwind trip to Atlanta to help out my dad with some paperwork. Car wreck on the way home – while still 7 hours from home.
  4. Three days of going to the doctor and sitting around at home recovering from muscle soreness from said wreck. Nothing serious, just some muscular issues inflaming my sciatic nerve.
  5. Ate half of a large cheese and pepperoni pizza with red wine. I can’t even begin to justify this extravaganza except to say that I survived a scary accident. Yes, I paid for the wheat and cheese and processed meat in triplicate over the next few days.

Now, saying all of that… how did I fare? I’d say not bad, but not what I wanted to see.

Recall from the beginning of the month – 135lbs / 20.9% fat

Now at the end of the month – 130.5lbs / 21.2% fat
Between my waist, hips, and thighs I lost about 4″.

This is a great example of why diet alone won’t work, you need some weight training to maintain muscle mass. I lost more muscle/lean mass than fat over the month. In fact, I lost nearly FIVE times more muscle than fat. 0.758lbs fat vs 3.732lbs muscle. My diet also wasn’t quite as clean as it could have been. I ate out a lot more than usual, my alcohol consumption was up, and I wasn’t eating my vegetables. I did a reasonable job of staying away from processed foods.

I’ve always heard that a good diet is 80% of getting lean, and I agree. Even with my transgressions I managed to lose 4.5lbs. I would say that I ate “clean” about 75% of the time. I need to do a little better; and get some exercise to get the results I want.

Damn Seagulls

The other day I was sitting in my living room reading a book when all of a sudden there was a loud bang. We have three cats, and one of them *loves* to nudge stuff off of tables and counters (I can’t tell you how many broken glasses and little decorative items we now have – sigh) so that was our first thought. Ok, naughty cat was sleeping on the chair, the other two were cuddled on a bed. Hmmm. Not a cat. Soon we lost interest in figuring out what happened – maybe it was the ice maker dropping cubes??

Later that day I noticed this:

Now, that’s kind of odd. Where did that big rip in the screen porch come from? It wasn’t there this morning… Well, what do we have here?

That’s one big fat clam. How did it get 3 stories in the air? I’ll tell you. A seagull picked it up and was looking for a hard place to drop it to crack it open. We see them doing it on the beach all the time. Sometimes you think you need a helmet out there. I don’t think he was anticipating it going into our screen porch. Damn seagull, now we have to do a repair.

Minding your Mitochondria

While I’m recovering from a very trying week that included a car accident that totaled my car, here’s a terrific video that everyone should watch. I know that eating more fruit, vegetables, and lean meats and fish have helped me to feel much better. Dr. Terry Wahls shares an amazing story about her recovery from a chronic crippling illness through dietary changes.