I think that we’ve all had that not-so-pleasant funny feeling when someone we don’t know very well invades our personal space. This is definitely a cultural phenomenon. People from the United States typically desire a much larger personal space bubble than individuals from other countries. As a woman in business I am seriously tuned into the implications of people getting too close to me. Personally, I do not like it. Like many people I perceive it to either be a challenge to my authority or an attempt at a come-on. I especially do not like it when people I don’t know really well try to touch me beyond a business only handshake. Once you’re my friend, it’s ok, but if you are a stranger or a coworker, I prefer an airspace bubble around me.
That said, I don’t do the personal space dance. It takes a lot to make me back away when someone invades my personal space. I do my best to be “larger” and take up more room. I’m sure my facial expressions and body language make it clear I’m not happy though. Sometimes I even ask the person to give me more room. I used to back away and the two step that ensued was pretty funny. Take a step away and the personal space invader crowds closer. Repeat.
Ask yourself – are you oblivious to the personal space of others? If you always seem to be bumping into people during your regular daily activities (I’m not talking standing room only subways or buses here!) you probably are. Have you ever run into a sharp elbow after you’ve bumped someone multiple times? Do you think it is perfectly ok to walk up and stand right in front of someone to get a better view of what they were studying? Does it always seem like you are pursuing someone when you are trying to have a conversation with them? Don’t be this person. It isn’t about what you are comfortable with. It is all about reading your partner and understanding what level of closeness they can tolerate with you.
Yeah, people should be aware of personal space boundaries and then do their best to respect other people’s personal space. I don’t like people coming into my personal space unless it is someone that I know really well, but other than that, I feel uncomfortable. I think that most people are aware of personal space issues, but then there are people who are overly familiar about everything and have absolutely no concept of personal space and therefore won’t hesitate to touch people they barely know. I also think that it is sometimes a cultural difference. And also, I think that a lot of Americans don’t respect the concept of personal space, either, because of overly familiaar behavior, especially more extroverted, outgoing people who prefer to be in the midst of everything that is going on.
I agree about the cultural differences. One of the weirdest things that happened to me is that I was grabbed and kissed (on the cheek) by a business acquaintance from Latin American that I had just met a few days prior. He did this in front of his wife, so I know there was no ulterior motives or bad intent but boy did it surprise me. I think my shock and horror was very apparent and I felt bad about it. It clearly was about cultural differences. I am an introverted person and I tend to try to keep my personal space secure – especially in business situations.
I’m not surprised that he grabbed you and kissed you, especially if he was from Latin America. I am also introverted,so I know what you mean about that. A lot of introverts are less likely to want their personal space violated and are less likely to show obvious displays of emotion upon first meeting someone. It takes a while for introverts to warm up to new people.
I have one example of my personal space being violated. I was working at a former job, and there was a guy that worked in security who was overly friendly, specifically with female coworkers. I observed this about him when I first met him and even though I talked to him and got along with him, I felt somewhat uncomfortable whenever I saw him. After a while, I became very uncomfortable and didn’t want to be around him, at all. I didn’t say anything to him, outright, but I tried to avoid him. One day, I was getting ready to start my work shift and I was just putting my belongings in my locker. He happened to come into the room where the employee lockers were. I saw him but didn’t say anything to him. He came over to me and placed his elbow in my back in a playful manner. I didn’t smile or say anything to him. I was very ticked off. I just walked away from him and completely froze him out until he got the message that I didn’t want to communicate with him, at all. I just couldn’t tolerate someone like that, even though he was a friendly guy, his personality was just too overly familiar for my comfort.