Category Archives: Personal

Tribute

I don’t even know how to start this post, I guess I just need to start typing and see what happens. On Monday my father passed away after a long hard struggle with the aftermath of a stroke and dementia. It’s a really weird feeling. Both of my parents are now gone. All of my blood relatives are on the other side of the Atlantic. Although I am married, and I have a number of wonderful friends, there are times now when I feel so totally alone. I can’t quite explain it. Maybe it is just the fact that I will never see my parents again. Being an only child – they were *my* family.

My dad was a wonderful man, but he really wasn’t much of a grownup. I think that was a lot of his appeal to so many people – especially children. My mom always was the grownup – she was the one who made sure that everything that needed to get done got done. This doesn’t mean that my dad was a deadbeat. He wasn’t at all. He worked hard and supported our family financially. He did all of the “man” things around the house and he did them with pride.

By not being a grownup I mean that my dad was the person who had creative ambitions and a very silly sense of humor. He was the person who followed his passions wherever they led him. Like a child, he was filled with wonder – even when he was an old man. He delighted in nature. He spent most of his free time behind a camera lens. When he wasn’t behind the lens he we sitting in front of an editing machine. When he wasn’t sitting in front of an editing machine, he was taking 100 mi Saturday morning bike rides. My mom on the other hand made sure the bills were paid, the savings were squirreled away, the pantry was stocked and the house was clean. She took a lot of pride in all of these things. She was a homebody and that made her very happy. Personally, I don’t think that was a great trade-off in a relationship, but I think they both were very happy to have their own separate passions.

For the last 9 years since my mom passed away I have taken care of my father. For the first 4 years, it wasn’t much more than providing moral support and financial advice. Frankly, during this period I sort of covered my eyes and pretended not to see the warning signs of someone who was struggling with managing his day to day life. During the last 5 years it was so much more. After his stroke, I took over all of his finances. My husband and I cleaned out his house and sold it before the housing market crashed. I made sure he had the best physical therapy and rehab after his stroke. We moved him close to us into an assisted living community that really grew to love him. I did my best, even though I dealt with people who sometimes told me that I didn’t do enough. According to some of his friends I should have had him move into my own home. I think that they were in denial about how ill he really was. My home had stairs and steep hills. My father had enough problems negotiating getting out of bed in the morning. I just wanted him to be safe. I wanted people who were capable of taking care of him to do so.

I have to admit, in some ways I am a lot like my father. I have my passions, and I follow them, consequences be damned. I’m not a good nurturer. I’m not patient. There’s a reason I don’t have my own children, it’s because my lifestyle and my personality aren’t compatible with that kind of responsibility. I feel like I introduce enough chaos into my life all by myself, I don’t need any more.

Dad, even though you were only a fraction of former yourself near the end of your life, I will miss having you as part of my life. You had a smile for everyone. You enjoyed all of the simple things in life. You delighted in the outdoors and in wildlife. You weren’t the perfect father, but you were the perfect father to raise someone like me. Rest in peace. I love you.

Business vs Personal

Over the last year I have struggled with sharing personal info on this blog as well as business related themes. I can be a pretty transparent person in both my business and my personal life and for some people I might be sharing too much information that they don’t care about. I know that some people care about one topic, some people care about the other, and some people (bless you!) care about both.

I have successfully copied ALL business related posts to my consulting company’s blog – Two Kayaks Blog. Going forward, all topics related to management, running a business etc. will be posted on that site. If you want to see travel pictures, garden pictures and learn more about the research that I have done on diet, exercise, and household renovations you will want to keep reading here.

Thank you all for sticking with me for all these years!

Things That Can Go Wrong When You’re Losing Weight

Well, looking back at January it sure has been quite a month for me. I think I’ve had enough excitement to last a full year. Hopefully this isn’t a harbinger of things to come for the rest of 2012. January started off with about 2 weeks of healthy eating and regular exercise. YAY! Now I will follow that with all of my excuses:

  1. Spent a long weekend in New Orleans. Basically ate and drank my way all over town. I’ve been good, don’t I deserve a cheat weekend (um… how did that turn into 5 days of gluttony, I even ate bread and a biscuit!)? Came home at 137lbs – that sucked.
  2. Promptly got sick for a week and a half once I got home. Bad diet? Too many cocktails? Air travel? Lots of strangers? Check, Check, Check and Check. Couch, chair, bed… repeat. Ate lots of homemade vegetable soups that I froze earlier in the winter.
  3. Two day whirlwind trip to Atlanta to help out my dad with some paperwork. Car wreck on the way home – while still 7 hours from home.
  4. Three days of going to the doctor and sitting around at home recovering from muscle soreness from said wreck. Nothing serious, just some muscular issues inflaming my sciatic nerve.
  5. Ate half of a large cheese and pepperoni pizza with red wine. I can’t even begin to justify this extravaganza except to say that I survived a scary accident. Yes, I paid for the wheat and cheese and processed meat in triplicate over the next few days.

Now, saying all of that… how did I fare? I’d say not bad, but not what I wanted to see.

Recall from the beginning of the month – 135lbs / 20.9% fat

Now at the end of the month – 130.5lbs / 21.2% fat
Between my waist, hips, and thighs I lost about 4″.

This is a great example of why diet alone won’t work, you need some weight training to maintain muscle mass. I lost more muscle/lean mass than fat over the month. In fact, I lost nearly FIVE times more muscle than fat. 0.758lbs fat vs 3.732lbs muscle. My diet also wasn’t quite as clean as it could have been. I ate out a lot more than usual, my alcohol consumption was up, and I wasn’t eating my vegetables. I did a reasonable job of staying away from processed foods.

I’ve always heard that a good diet is 80% of getting lean, and I agree. Even with my transgressions I managed to lose 4.5lbs. I would say that I ate “clean” about 75% of the time. I need to do a little better; and get some exercise to get the results I want.

Damn Seagulls

The other day I was sitting in my living room reading a book when all of a sudden there was a loud bang. We have three cats, and one of them *loves* to nudge stuff off of tables and counters (I can’t tell you how many broken glasses and little decorative items we now have – sigh) so that was our first thought. Ok, naughty cat was sleeping on the chair, the other two were cuddled on a bed. Hmmm. Not a cat. Soon we lost interest in figuring out what happened – maybe it was the ice maker dropping cubes??

Later that day I noticed this:

Now, that’s kind of odd. Where did that big rip in the screen porch come from? It wasn’t there this morning… Well, what do we have here?

That’s one big fat clam. How did it get 3 stories in the air? I’ll tell you. A seagull picked it up and was looking for a hard place to drop it to crack it open. We see them doing it on the beach all the time. Sometimes you think you need a helmet out there. I don’t think he was anticipating it going into our screen porch. Damn seagull, now we have to do a repair.

Minding your Mitochondria

While I’m recovering from a very trying week that included a car accident that totaled my car, here’s a terrific video that everyone should watch. I know that eating more fruit, vegetables, and lean meats and fish have helped me to feel much better. Dr. Terry Wahls shares an amazing story about her recovery from a chronic crippling illness through dietary changes.

East End Exploration

Most people think of the East Coast as facing… well… EAST. Ocean Isle Beach is a very unique island on the East Coast of the United States. It is a barrier island off the coast of North Carolina that faces due South into the Atlantic. Because of this we talk about the East End of the island and the West End of the island. The East End is much larger (thicker from North to South). It also has a lot of boat canals that were cut before it was illegal to fill in marsh land. Most of the houses on this island are on the East End, as well as most of the full time residents. We live on the West End.

Our house is an easy 20 minute walk to Tubb’s Inlet at the West End of Ocean Isle Beach. One nice thing about living on the West End is the really pretty sunset walk after dinner most times of the year. All of the beach pictures that I typically post are from the West End.

I have been wanting to take a walk to the East End for a while now. We rarely get down there, except when we ride our bicycles. When we do that we don’t really get to take a good look at the erosion on the beach near Shallotte Inlet because it isn’t accessible by road anymore.

We knew it was going to be a long walk. We figured that it would take about 3 or 4 hours round trip, depending on how often we stopped to pull out the camera or the binoculars. The island itself is about 7 miles long. By bike from our house to the East End it is a 10 mile round trip, but we figured it would be a little shorter walking on the beach.

Yesterday the weather was sunny and in the low 60′s so it was going to be a perfect day for a long walk. The tides also lined up nicely for taking a walk all the way to the other end of the island and back. High tide was at 11:09am. We decided to leave around 1pm when the tide was just low enough for us to avoid walking on soft sand. It also assured that we’d be arriving at the East End while the tide was still going out. This is important as you’ll see by the pictures.

Here’s a picture of the far East End past all of the houses. Shallotte Inlet is filling in with sand and this picture faces the inlet.

The houses in the distance are on Holden Beach. As usual, click on the picture if you want to see a larger image.

This view looks back at the last set of houses on Ocean Isle Beach. This picture is taken from the far end of the island. As you can see, it is quite a ways to the houses. The very tip of the East End has a lot of sand and a lot of sand dunes. Unfortunately, the island is slowly shifting to the North here.

These houses used to be a few rows back from ocean front. They are on Fourth Street. On most of the island First Street has houses that back up directly to the sand. That tells quite a story, there are a lot of “missing” houses down here. These guys are hoping that the sand bags will save them until the proposed terminal groin gets approved and installed.

I really feel for the people who own this house. It is the last one left on the row of houses that most recently surrendered to the sea. Take a close look at the pilings. They have been extended to keep the house level. Also notice the water level. This is about 4 hours after high tide. You know where the water goes when the tide is high, right? I’m not sure if they will be able to save this one, but they are still enjoying it. I saw someone on the deck with their little dog enjoying the sun.

I had to include this house more from the curiosity factor than anything else. Excuse the finger in the shot, I was too lazy to crop it out. This house is surrounded by telephone poles. What else can those supports be? They are ROUND. Most houses are situated on 8″x8″ square posts at the beach. This is just plain weird. It almost looks like they were an afterthought. I think that they might have been added later to keep the house from leaning over because it was sitting on shifting sand. Very strange.

Why am I a Liberal?

I am a liberal. There, I said it. In some places that is a dirty word. I live in one of those places.

I live in the conservative bible-belt. My home state rarely votes Democratic – except for Obama in 2008 we typically support the Republican presidential candidate. My vote rarely counts. There are times when I wonder why I even bother to cast my vote. Resistance is futile? I know, I know. I should just move back North to my YANKEE blue state home. F-that. Maybe somehow, someway I can make just a little bit of a difference.

Right now I live in a *very* conservative county. My county is poor – except for the island beaches – and most of the people who own beach property are part-time/second home non-residents. The average county household income is about $44,000 a year (2009). That’s nearly $20,000 a year less than the Raleigh area that I moved from. I won’t tell you what percentage that was of my household’s all time high salary… you just don’t want to know. My county still has an unemployment rate over 10%. Somehow, all this is a recipe for conservative politics. I can not even comprehend why. Why do the poorest states and the poorest counties think that they will be paying for socialist policies? Au contraire. They will be benefiting from them.

Let me tell you why I am a liberal.

I CARE.

I care about the people who have pre-existing medical conditions and who can’t afford medical insurance. I think that no one deserves to be bankrupt by their medical bills.  Yes Santorum, some people squander their health and clearly do not do the right things to maintain it. However, there are a lot of people (like me) who exercise every day, who eat healthy foods and who look like the picture of health who find out that they have developed a serious condition for unknown reasons. Maybe it is stress, maybe it was the environment, maybe it just happened… How can we deny healthcare to people who would benefit significantly from it? Let them die on the curb. I could not do that. Maybe socialized medicine would limit some choices, maybe it would slow things down a tad. Overall it would do society a greater good than allowing the one isolated individual who can afford their healthcare to benefit.

I care about animals – all of them. The gas chamber here kills more dogs and cats than I even want to think about. It is rumored to be more than any county in 3 states. That is so sad. Yes, it is a “liberal” agenda to charge more in dog license fees to register an unspayed or neutered dog. So what? How many of the puppies and kittens of those unfixed animals wind up in the pound and eventually in the gas chamber? I don’t want to know. Let’s make sure that our companion animals get the life that they deserve. We are all temporary residents on this planet created by who? God? The grand creator? Why should I have so many more rights to a decent life than my cat or your dog? A happy, loving home, a warm bed, a full belly. If we spay and neuter our pets the ones that remain have so much better of a chance to have that. People who treat their animals like property, like a coffee table or a ratty old couch that can just be discarded really disgust me.

I care about the environment. Drill baby drill. Really? Climate change is real. Turn your damn thermostat down, use less water and drive an efficient car and then let’s talk. My thermostat is at 66 during the day (upstairs… downstairs is only at 62) and 55 at night in the winter. In the summer I don’t venture below 78 degrees. We’ve put in dual flush low flow toilets. Now, on the subject of TMI – I don’t always flush. Seriously, does a 1/2 cup of pee need 1.6 gallons of flush? Shame on you – no it definitely DOES NOT. I once heard a quote that resonated with me “If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down.” I can understand needing a truck for work, I can not understand driving a Hummer as a status vehicle. My long-haul vehicle gets 32-35 mpg. It’s about twice as good as our pickup which we use for hauling things out of necessity.

I care enough to recycle.  Nothing makes me madder than folks who can’t bother to separate their recycling from their trash. Do you really think that we have an unlimited supply of aluminum for cans? Don’t you realize that it is cheaper to recycle a plastic bottle or a glass one for that matter than to create a new one from raw materials? Speaking of plastic – doesn’t it make you really upset to see sea animals trapped in plastic six pack holders or dead from ingesting pop tops or bottle caps? Yeah, it is just one fish or just one seabird or one otter, but how many do you think we get? I don’t want to be responsible for the next great extinction on this plant. Do you?

I care about people who love each other. Don’t you? They should be able to enjoy a life together with legal protections. Oh, you aren’t a man/woman couple? WHO CARES. If you care enough to hitch your little red wagon to someone else’s life you should be afforded the same benefits. Oh, that is totally disgusting – man on man or woman on woman! UH NO. That really doesn’t matter. I’m happy to stay out of your bedroom, provided you stay out of mine. If the conservative right thinks that they can police the sanctity of marriage they should be looking at making divorce illegal rather than preventing loving couples (of any gender) from sharing their lives. Besides, the gay population would totally get hammered by the marriage penalty…. I do not know a gay or lesbian couple where there is a stay-at-home spouse.  If you can’t wrap your head around the sanctity of marriage thing – consider this – it would raise a LOT more taxes which will help pay for the programs I am advocating.

Ah yes, now the lightning rod. Abortion. I am oh so thankful that I have never have had to make that choice. But I am grateful that it is a choice. I have never wanted children. I know that isn’t the norm. Most women want children, yearn for children, dream for children. Not me. I would be a terrible parent. I am happy that I would have the option for an abortion, though it would be an awful choice to make – and I am not sure that I could even do that. I am glad that a raped co-ed can make that choice. I am happy that an incest victim can make that choice. I am overjoyed that someone who would die bearing a child can make that choice. I am relieved that someone who would be a really terrible parent can make that choice.

I care about immigrants. This country became truly great on the backs of immigrants. My parents were immigrants – legal – but immigrants none-the-less. Why do we educate the cream of the crop of foreigners in our post graduate programs and then send them home when their education visas expire? These people can create businesses and jobs. These people are truly motivated – and they will help our country continue to be a leader in technology and business. Why are we sending them “home” where they will create those businesses in countries that compete with the USA? We should give them green cards. Heck, we should give them citizenship.

I care about people who worship differently.  I have friends who are Christian(evangelical and moderate), Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic, and Atheist. There’s probably a Buddhist in there too, but I can’t quite recall. I consider all of them to be good people. It’s not a matter of what your religion is, but of how you tread on this planet. Are you kind? Do you strive to connect with people who are different than you are and do you not try to change them? Every faith has been persecuted at some point in history. We need to take a step back and separate the person from the religion.

Ok, that’s all she wrote. Those are a lot of the reasons why I am a liberal. For better of worse I am an optimist. I think that we can make our society better by working together and accepting our differences. I don’t want you to change me, and I won’t try to change you.

Whatever you do – if you can – please keep an open mind. Maybe, just maybe that will make you a liberal just like me.

End of Year Roundup

Well, here we go. What was accomplished this past year?

  • Tweets – 68. (does anyone care? really?)
  • Unique bird species identified this year – 65.
  •  Books read – 37.
  • Blog posts written – 26.
  • New window blinds installed – 13.
  • Nerf darts lost in the house, carried off by cats – 10.
  • Pampas grass clumps removed – 3 , pickup truck loads to the dump – 6.
  • Bedrooms painted – 5.
  • Rooms with new hardwood floors – 4.
  • Places lived – 3.
  • Jobs quit – 2.
  • Negative endoscopy results – 1. Priceless.

So far jumping off the hamster wheel of work has worked out pretty well for me. Let’s hope that 2012 brings more happiness and fulfillment.

Fun In the Garden

I really have to get better at photo documentation of the projects around here. This week we tackled one of two overgrown planting beds in front of our house.

Here is what the planting bed looked like when we first had it landscaped. Aren’t those plants cute?

 

 

Here’s another view from the upstairs deck. You can barely tell that there are two palm trees in there. The bushes all look lost.

 

 

After 6 years and the addition of a sago palm as an accent plant in the front of the bed, the picture isn’t as pretty. The bed closest to the street looks like this.

 

The one closer to the house is also a big disaster. Sometimes I think that landscapers should be shot. What was he thinking when he put that many plants into the beds? Either start with much bigger plants or warn the homeowner that half of them need to go!

Out came the bypass loppers, the pickax, the chainsaw and the shovel. The two palm trees were planted much too close together. The bigger one needed to move to the back of the bed, and the sago palm which is no longer the size of a tidy houseplant needed to be placed front and center. The variegated Golden Euonymus needed to be replanted. The crepe myrtle was invisible and had to be moved to the back yard. We have been hacking at those plants for years, but we never addressed the main problem – there were just too many of them out there!

I’m not sure if you’ve ever tried to relocate a palm tree. I guess we waited too long. A friend of ours with a nursery said the trees have a small root ball and that they were “easy” to move. Easy is relative, he owns a bobcat. We dug them up by hand… and found out that the fire ant nest there that we thought we had killed was still active. JOY! That was a nasty surprise. Anyway, once we got the root balls dug, it became evident that two people couldn’t budge them an inch.

Why does gardening at the beach require tow straps and a pickup truck? I will never know. The long and short of it is that we had to drag the trees using the truck to their new homes. I wish I captured pictures of this endeavor. It was quite exciting!

In the end, the front island now looks much better. It is still awaiting some pansies and a thick coat of mulch for the winter, but it is almost done! I hope that we didn’t upset the palm trees too much with the relocation.

What is Your Legacy?

Lately I’ve had a lot of disconnected thoughts about my contribution to society. Some people out there – wow – you don’t even have to think twice about what they have done.

  • Bill Gates – Microsoft is just a teeny part of his legacy, his real work is with the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation.
  • Steve Jobs – Elegance in engineering. Near perfection.
  • Mother Theresa – Humanitarian and advocate for the poor and helpless.

I have to stop with this list or I will get totally discouraged. I know I should be inspired, but some of their contributions are so overwhelming that the little that I can do in my own backyard seems insignificant. It also can be hard to fit anything else into my day to day activities. I think most of us are in that boat. We live our insulated lives, we get up, brush our teeth and head off to work, we take care of our houses and our families and before we know it the day is done and we wake again another day to do it all over again. I’ve definitely had the strange feeling of living in the movie Groundhog Day. Here we go again…

I don’t want to keep living like that. So now what? I am, trying to figure out what I’ve done so far that has provided value and what I can do going forward that will make a difference. Being an introvert I could happily just sit in my chair and read books until I die, but to what end? Would that be a waste of life? It would bring me pleasure, but shouldn’t we all strive to make our society better in some way? Does it matter if it is big or small? I hope not.