Entries tagged as ‘Appearance’
December 28, 2009 · 1 Comment
There are times when my profession really frustrates me. I don’t know what it is about engineering and programming, but it sure seems to attract a lot of homogeneous people – like hires like. A lot of people are most comfortable working with people who are like themselves. I’ve worked in offices where I am literally the only (or one of a very few) woman in a sea of white men. Working in a geographically diverse company (West coast offices help here) tends to improve upon diversity somewhat, adding Indian and Asian influences, but there are still few women in engineering. The best software engineering team I ever led was diverse – both from a gender and cultural perspective. I somehow put together a team that was close to 50% female, and represented the US, Canada, China, the Philippines, Turkey, and India. We were white, black, yellow and brown. We were conservative, we were liberal. We were single, married, with kids and without. We were Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Agnostic. It didn’t matter, we were a team. There was mutual respect for everyone’s unique abilities and contributions. We didn’t always agree, and there certainly were different viewpoints, which actually improved what the team was able to accomplish. Everyone did their best to approach their differences with kindness and a good sense of humor.
This team reflects my life. I pick my friends based on what kind of a person they are. Do they share my hobbies? Are they kind? Mean-spirited people who take advantage of others need not apply. The older I get, the less I care about differences, I always look for similarities. What’s important??
- Age? No. I have friends much younger than I am, and also quite a bit older. Zest for life is what is important.
- Religion? No. Just don’t try to convert me. I’ll accept whatever you believe as being the best thing for you.
- Gender? No. I’ve met wonderful men and women and count both among my closest friends. Both sexes can also be miserable and unkind.
- Sexual Orientation? No. Gay, Lesbian, Straight. It’s not a choice for someone – why should I use it as a choice when finding friends? What matters is self-respect and honesty.
- Politics? No. Though, sometimes it is easiest just to agree to disagree on this one. It’s always interesting to hear other opinions and reasons for them.
- Nationality? No. Latina, European (too many to count!), Asian, Middle Eastern – I count them all among my friends.
Maybe I am a little naive, but I think under it all we are more similar than different. We are all human. Yes, our experiences and our culture let us have different perspectives, but this is what good relationships are about. Who wants to sit around with people that are exactly the same as you? What can you possibly learn?
Categories: Personal
Tagged: Appearance, Culture, Diversity, Social Networks, Women in Business
“What we do matters to us. Work may not be the most important thing in our lives or the only thing. We may work because we must, but we still want to love, to feel pride in, to respect ourselves for what we do and to make a difference.” Sara Ann Friedman
“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better to displease the people by doing what you know is right, than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.” William J. H. Boetcker
I’ve addressed respect in my blog before, and in reflection I thought it would be interesting to focus on self-respect vs. the respect for others. There is a lot of interesting debate in psychology circles regarding the differences between self-esteem and self-respect. See Psychology Today Self Esteem vs Self Respect for a quick overview. Having high self-esteem is ego driven. Technically a person with high self-esteem feels superior to others and expects preferential treatment. These people are very dependent upon how other people react to them and the feedback that these people provide. Studies have shown that some of the most heinous violent crimes are committed by people who have an unusually high warped self-esteem when they encounter someone who clearly does not hold them in as high regard. They have been “dissed” and it makes them angry. This is not self-respect, it is the pathology of a narcissist.
A person with healthy self-respect is :
- able to look at themselves, both their successes and their failures and feel content – accepting who they are
- not defined by either the positive or negative feedback of others (compliments are nice, but not required)
- consistent in how they treat others with kindness and understanding
- not phony, passive-aggressive, or manipulative
- not willing to do the wrong thing just to appease someone else
- concerned about maintaining their health and physical wellness (but is not obsessed by appearance)
Working with these kinds of people is a wonderful experience. There is no jockeying for position or ego driven posturing. Instead, there is cooperation, receptivity to suggestions, and a straight forward understanding that everyone on the team wants to do the right things.
For more reading see this article on Self Respect.
Categories: Personal
Tagged: Appearance, Collaboration, Ego, Resilience
One of the lessons that I have learned in my career is that if you want to move into more senior roles, you need to look the part in order for people to take you seriously. This clearly is different depending on the industry that you are in, but I think that everyone knows what I mean. A new grad tends to dress differently than a manager, and a manager tends to dress a little differently than a director and so on up the chain. If you want to be able to fit in on that next ladder rung, you should already look like you belong there. Watch and learn to see what you should look like. The rules are relaxed a bit in smaller companies, and sometimes the chief executive is the worst dressed person in the company. However, with the way the economy has changed the business climate I’m definitely seeing more of a shift toward more formal business dress. Sloppy t-shirts and jeans are definitely the exception in the management ranks these days.
As a woman, I find that creating the wrong appearance is fraught with peril. A lot of times there aren’t role models to learn from. I’ve been in companies where there weren’t any senior women leaders. What do you do then? For men it is so easy. Business casual is a pair of khaki pants, a polo shirt, a nice belt and a pair of loafers. Done. A guy can get away with that, even if it is a little rumpled. Formal business dress is standard – a dark suit, starched shirt, tie, and dress shoes.
For women there are so many questionable areas.
Hair and makeup:
- Don’t wear too much makeup or constantly touch it up.
- Hair needs to look well-groomed and well cut, but you don’t want to look “high maintenance”.
- Nail polish – I tend to vote no on this – too distracting unless it is very neutral. It also looks horrendous when chipped or dull.
Clothing:
- Don’t show too much leg or cleavage.
- Too tight is bad – don’t want to look like a stuffed sausage casing now do we?
- Too loose is also bad – that comes across as sloppy.
- Sandals may or may not be appropriate. Some industries still expect pantyhose – and that is a rat hole a mile deep in itself!
- Boots? Are they ok with a skirt? Depends on your industry. If they are fine leather dress boots with a heel they are probably ok. No Uggs please!
- Heels or flats? Too high is too suggestive. Too flat is not a “power” look.
- What about sleeveless blouses? I think Michelle Obama finally put that one to rest – thank goodness! If you have the arms to pull it off – go for it. I happen to love a sleeveless blouse in hot weather.
- Pants or skirts? Pantsuits finally are mainstream – thanks in part to Hillary Clinton’s standard garb. I really don’t like skirts in the winter – too cold. For casual business: dress pants and a nice fitted sweater or blouse always look put together.
- Beware – business casual khakis and polo shirts sometimes come off looking like soccer mom gear. No you can’t just dress “like a man”. You are always better off with a pair of dress pants.
- Jewelry is necessary for a polished look, but too much or too big or too loud is distracting.
- If you are going to wear a suit, make sure it has some personality in cut or appearance. If not – add a colorful blouse or an interesting pin or scarf. Women are expected to look a bit more pulled together even in a suit.
The bottom line is that you don’t want to come off looking “too young” or “too sexy” nor “too old” or “too frumpy”. There is a fine line here and it is so easy to teeter off of it one way or another. Image is everything. There are a lot of people who can’t look past someone’s outward appearance when doing business. It is a reality that the care you take in making a good impression is noticed.
Sadly, this also extends to your physical attributes. Overweight people are treated differently in business. This is especially true of women – there is a double standard here as well. Your clothing choices are extremely important. If you can, get your clothes tailored to fit your body as best as possible. If you are heavier on the top or the bottom, buy for the larger size and get the other piece adjusted! This is back to: too tight is bad, and so is too loose.
Older people, if they are not extremely well put together in appearance also are treated differently in business. You don’t want to look like a has been. Get a good stylish haircut that fits the times. There are too many older women who still style their hair like they did back in high school or college. That will date you faster than your wrinkles do! Don’t wear that 10 year old suit – especially to an interview. Styles really have changed. We all remember those behemoth shoulder pads from the late 80s – ok, well at least I do. You wouldn’t catch me dead in one of those old suits.
My inspiration for this post came from the article: Appearances Matter from the Wall Street Journal.
Categories: How Tos
Tagged: Appearance, Women in Business
