Entries tagged as ‘Confidence’
On Friday I heard a couple words from my manager that really helped a lot. The gist of it all was “thank you”. Boy did that make a difference. I don’t consider myself a needy person when it comes to affirmation at work. That said, having started a job recently after nearly a year of unemployment has made me a whole lot more self conscious.
I knew going into this that my new manager was pretty hands off. Personally I like it that way. I have had managers that were in my back pocket and quite frankly I find it irritating. Leave me alone, I know what I am doing. I will get done what you need me to do, just make it clear what my priorities are (and if you don’t, I will – so don’t be surprised if I don’t do what you think is the most important thing first). I’ll come to you if I run into problems that I can’t solve by myself. If I don’t ask for help, please stay out of my way. I’ll tell you what you need to know so that you don’t get caught unaware.
I guess what I am trying to say is that even if you have very independent people working for you remember to acknowledge what they are doing. They may not need guidance to get their job done, but an occasional pat on the back to let them know that they are on target is invaluable. Some of the folks that report to me have been working some crazy hours lately. It was pretty obvious based on what was accomplished over the last week. I’m hoping that my couple of words (thank you) meant as much to them as my manager’s meant to me this week.
Categories: Leadership
Tagged: Attitude, Confidence, Empowerment, Public Speaking, Taking Responsibility, Trust
February 25, 2010 · 1 Comment
Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick.
What’s that noise? Well hello – it’s our 13 year old tank water heater. My friend, your time is almost up – you’re well past your expected lifetime you know. You’re the time bomb in my attic over my master bedroom suite. Tick tick tick. I’ve been eying you suspiciously for a while now, waiting… wondering… when are you going to leak? Will it be when I am at home? Will it be when I am out of town for a week? Will you ruin two stories of dry wall and insulation? Well, I am not going to let you rain on my parade.
I’ve been procrastinating on this, but one of my neighbors came home to water streaming down the outside of their house recently. Their old water heater blew. Yikes! I didn’t want that to happen to me too. Time to get proactive.
Boy there are a lot of choices out there for water heaters! I would love to do a solar one or maybe a tankless. Unfortunately those are about $3,000-$7,000 installed and even with the 30% federal tax credit that’s a bit painful. I don’t know if I’ll find a new job outside of NC so I can’t justify that kind of expense for a house I might wind up selling. Tank water heaters have gotten a bit more efficient as well, even if they aren’t quite as good as the solar or tankless models. My target was a nice energy star tank water heater that was about the same configuration as my old one to facilitate easy installation. Why you ask? Because my husband and I were going to install it ourselves. In this land known as Frugalistan you never pay someone to do something that you can do yourself.
My job was to pick out the water heater, arrange for delivery, and make sure that I bought enough parts to do the installation without multiple trips to Home Depot. (there are a lot of things to consider – let me tell you!) His job was to wield the propane torch for the copper piping and to provide the brawn to break the seal on the gas line. Oh, didn’t I mention? Yes, we have a propane gas heater! There’s nothing like playing with highly combustible materials on a Friday night. Together we were responsible for getting 175lbs of new water heater up two flights of stairs. I got the job pulling on the handles of the appliance dolly. Hurray! Those things are big and it sure isn’t easy maneuvering up two staircases each having a quarter turn. Good thing I eat my spinach.
I have to say – this was a surprisingly *easy* job. Cutting, fluxing and soldering copper pipe is a no-brainer. The gas line was a little disconcerting, but we reused all of the black iron pipe, so that wasn’t an issue either. The worst part of it was moving the water heater vertically. Down for the old one was easy, up for the new one was the hard part.
New water heater – $675, plumbing supplies – $100, the satisfaction of a job well done – priceless.
What is wrong with this picture? Nothing! New water heater installed and running on the left, old water heater on the right ready for its trip to the dump.
Categories: Personal
Tagged: Collaboration, Confidence, Financial Prudence, Problem Solving
February 12, 2010 · 1 Comment
I just finished reading “Happy at Last: The Thinking Person’s Guide to Finding Joy” 
I’m not planning on reviewing this book – though I did enjoy it. I wanted to focus on a particular passage that struck me:
Some argue that the loss in happiness due to unemployment is actually worse than that due to divorce. It can lead to passivity – a lot of television watching – and alcohol consumption. Even in countries like Holland and Sweden, which give the unemployed good financial support, there is still a drop in happiness, health, and mental health. And you don’t get used to it, even after two years; and when you go back to work, there is a scar, some permanent damage to our capacity to enjoy our work.
wow.
I’m not going to deny it, being unemployed is tough. There are days where I have what I call “household ADD”. I find myself wandering from room to room doing little things here and there but not really finishing anything. It is weird, especially for me because I am usually pretty focused. Some days are worse, there are times where I feel more than a little hopeless. But, that’s ok. I wallow in it for an hour or two, and then I get over it.
However, it hasn’t been all bad. I have a great network and a lot of good friends who have done their best to help me in my search, but the economy isn’t really cooperating. That’s not their fault, nor my own. Thankfully my family can live on one salary for an extended period of time. And even more thankfully, my husband is still gainfully employed.
I’ve also done a few things to maintain a schedule and to help provide a daily purpose. I usually do not turn on the TV until after my husband comes home from work. I don’t need it to keep me company – during the day it is just a bunch of mindless junk anyway. Occasionally I’ll watch “Cash Cab” while I’m on the Stairmaster because I find it fun to play along. Every morning I eat a healthy breakfast to start my day. I always workout for about an hour in the morning. There is nothing that lifts my spirits more than a good workout. I have days where I don’t want to do it, but I find that if I drag myself into the exercise room and just “do a little something” that I’ll complete a full workout and feel much better afterwards. I’ve also come to love my local library. Reading is a great way to expand my mind and I’m in the habit of reading about a book a week now. Best of all, it’s FREE! I hope that I can continue this once I start working again.
Having all this extra time has allowed for a lot of reflection as well. There have been times in my life where I’ve been on that hedonic treadmill, pure and simple. I wanted a new car, some nicer clothes, a better house and so on. I’m not a big “shopper” in the usual sense, but when it comes to some of the bigger wants I’ve had them all. I’ve come to realize that they never make me happy – they typically add more stress. New car? Don’t get it dinged in the parking lot! Bigger house – how much are my taxes?!?!! Come to find out I don’t need a lot of stuff to be happy. You know what I felt most grateful for yesterday? Here are the top 3 (and there are many more):
- Napping on the floor in the sun with a really warm purring black cat
- Eating eggs benedict and steamed broccoli with hollandaise sauce for dinner
- Feeling the satisfaction of having a clean house
What is missing here? Everything to do with money, career, and possessions. I’m a driven person. I’m not patient. I’ve been told that I can be too competitive. When I look at my life and who I am, those parts of me aren’t really the highlights. They’ve made me appear successful on the outside. What makes me really successful – and what will make me survive this period in my life – is all about who I am on the inside.
Categories: Personal
Tagged: Attitude, Confidence, Job Search, Resilience
Have you ever wondered exactly what you are getting into when you go on an interview? I have. I remember what interviewing was like before web pages, social networks, and Google searches. It was really hard to get any information about a company without knowing someone who worked there. If the company was public you could go to the library and look at microfiche (dating myself!) newspaper articles and business results. That was the extent of it. Unless you were interviewing with someone famous, it was next to impossible to learn anything about the people you would be talking to. These days it is so much easier to be prepared.
I have a few things that I like to do before I interview with a company. Depending on the company and the information that is out there, this can be quite a bit of work – and a lot of times I can’t quite get to it all. Most of this is common sense I hope, but I thought I would write it down for others to think about.
I’ll start at the point where you’ve done enough looking into a company and a position to know that you want to send your resume in for consideration. At this point you should know a bit about the industry, the company and its publicly available financial information. You’ve made it through the resume screening process – and you’ve been contacted for an interview.
First off – ask a lot of questions when the recruiter or HR representative calls you. Find out exactly which group you are interviewing with. This will help you determine what product(s) they are responsible for. Many times the job description will not clearly state this. Don’t forget to ask for the interview schedule and names of the people you will be speaking with during your interview and what their roles are. Knowing if someone will be a peer, a superior or a subordinate and knowing if their role is technical or administrative can help you figure out what to expect when you talk to them.
Next go to the website. Many companies have an entire section devoted to “working at the company”. READ IT! if you haven’t already. You’ll want to concentrate on anything related to corporate culture to understand how you could fit in. Company blogs are great for this. Some sites even have hints about what your interview will be like. You’d be foolish not to pay attention to this information. One company that I talked to required a technical presentation to executives and senior management as part of their process. I knew about this far in advance of my interview day so I could plan for it carefully beforehand.
While you are on the website read as much as you can. If it is a large company with a huge amount of information on the web, concentrate on the appropriate line of business. What I mean by this is to read about the products that the group you are interviewing with is working on. Read the last 6 months worth of press releases from the company to learn about any interesting acquisitions, product releases or corporate sponsorships. Read the company’s most recent report to shareholders. If the company is not publicly traded, do some research on any investors that they mention. Expand your search from there if you have the time.
Once you feel like you’ve hit the important areas on the corporate website, start to branch out. Take the company name and search for the competition. Go to wikipedia and look up the company and its history. Go to yahoo finance or another finance site that you have access to and learn about the company’s recent performance if they are publicly traded.
Take those product names and search for the competition online. Search for product reviews online. Read them.
Ok – that’s a good start regarding the company. Now, the people. 
This is the fun part. Don’t think of this as stalking – think of this as market research. Keep in mind that the company probably has already done these types of searches before talking to you. This will help level the playing field. Google everyone on your interview list. See what you can learn about their industry involvement, where they’ve been quoted in the press, and maybe even what their personal hobbies are. Read their blogs if you can find them. Look them up on Facebook. A lot of people have public profiles.
My favorite is to look them up on LinkedIn. You’ll find out where they’ve worked and where they went to school. Sometimes you’ll find that they have worked the same place you have, or they have worked with a friend or old coworker. Once you have that kind of information you can learn more about their personality by talking to your contacts. You can also use this to form a bridge – knowing the same people – provided they are people that you both like and respect can help you develop a relationship with your interviewer.
Obviously all of this research won’t help you if you’re not qualified to do the job you are interviewing for. What it will do is make you more comfortable with the company and the people you will be talking to. This will help you come across as more confident and knowledgeable.
Oh – and don’t forget to make sure that you are prepared for skills and knowledge based questioning. Know your resume inside and out!
Categories: How Tos
Tagged: Confidence, Job Search, Relationships, Social Networks, Taking Responsibility
Well, this article comes right on the heels of the Confidence one that I posted yesterday. I think that they are related in more ways that one.
From the Wall Street Journal “Silencing the Voice That Says You’re a Fraud”
I think that every successful person succumbs to this problem now and then. I know that I do. There are days that I am hyper critical of myself. Nothing that I accomplish seems good enough. There are two outcomes to this – I’ll undertake herculean efforts to make what I am doing absolutely stellar and I’ll nearly kill myself in the process, or sometimes I’ll just walk away from what I am not feeling up to snuff about. I really try not to do the latter but it does happen on occasion when I feel that there is no way for me to succeed at what I’ve attempted. Why beat a dead horse right? The former isn’t all that healthy either. Sometimes we all just need to realize when something is “good enough”. Over the years I’ve learned to recognize when I am doing these two things and I’ve gotten better at moderating my behavior. I don’t always succeed and get it quite right, but I’m a lot less prone to the silliness than I was earlier in my career.
I’ve also heard the internal thoughts about being a fraud called the Imposter Syndrome. That’s when you think that other people will realize that you have no idea what you are doing. Eventually they will find you out and they will laugh at you. Many successful people feel this way. I took a class with a group of about 30 up and coming women leaders a few years back. When the facilitator explained this syndrome and asked who felt that way – I think every single hand was raised. It is good to know that I’m not alone… and I suspect it was good for the others to realize this as well.
If you don’t think that what you’re doing is good enough – you are NOT alone.
Categories: Leadership · Personal
Tagged: Confidence, Women in Business
Psychology Today reports that “You’re not alone in shunning center stage—shyness and social anxiety are as natural as breathing. But doing advance prep for a party or taking small social risks can lead to breakthroughs in confidence. Here’s how to relish even the brightest of spotlights.” in this article
I find that a lot of this advice really has helped me perform better in job interviews and when giving high pressure presentations to large audiences. I am a fan of the technique of “throwing oneself into a situation”.
- Are you uncomfortable giving presentations? Volunteer to do a small one and prepare for it extremely well.
- Do you hate making small talk with strangers? Go to parties where you will only know the host.
- Do you get tongue tied during interviews? Have a friend ask you practice questions in advance.
Really – it isn’t that bad. Yes, it can stress you out, but if you look at it differently – as an opportunity to gain experience that will only last a certain predefined amount of time you can get through it. Once you get through it once, the second time isn’t so bad. Lather, rinse, repeat. Once you do something three or more times it becomes second nature and is on its way to becoming a habit.
One key strategy that I’ve employed is to really work at making the other person feel comfortable. You aren’t the only one who dreads these types of situations. Complement a pretty dress or unique piece of jewelry. Poke fun at a common acquaintance (Don’t be cruel though). Self deprecating humor tends to work pretty well too.
Categories: Tactical
Tagged: Confidence, Learning, Stress
I recently came across this article on the Harvard Business Journal site. Boy did this resonate with me.
This topic is one of my pet peeves. Over the years I have heard so many people complain that they aren’t getting to important tasks in their home or work lives. Quite frankly they aren’t setting their priorities correctly. Usually it goes something like this: “Right now I don’t have time to eat right and exercise – but once things settle down at work I’ll get to it.” or “I should get some training or learn more about that, but I barely can get through all of the tasks in my day job right now.” or “In order for me to be more effective I need to start doing ‘x’ but I am too busy trying to get ‘y’ done.” That last one is my personal favorite. It has bitten me more than a few times now and I vow that it isn’t going to happen to me again. Typically the thing that I should be doing is something that I’m not comfortable with. It is a new skill or it is hard for me based on my personality type. Sometimes it is a lack of confidence that holds me back. I think that the best advice I ever got in those instances is to “fake it”. Yes, seriously, pretend that you are competent and capable in that area and do what you think someone who is would do.
Something else that I thought was valuable in this article is that you need to make a conscious decision about which items to pursue and which to just let go. There’s no point in beating yourself up about not getting to something that you know is highly unlikely. It is a fantasy if you think you’ll get to it. Who needs to drag along that baggage for years? The amount of stress that adds over time is just not worth it. I worked with a career coach who had a favorite saying – the best way to let something go is to visualize it. Put the thought in a bubble and visually pop that bubble. How do you feel once it is gone? Relieved? Happy? Sad? That first feeling you have is key to the issue.
So – two things.
1. GET TO IT! This is for those items you really just need to incorporate in your life. Stop procrastinating.
2. LET IT GO! Stop carrying around unwanted items in your head that you know you’ll never prioritize to the top of the queue.
Do both and you’ll feel much better.
Categories: Tactical
Tagged: Confidence, Motivation, Personality Types, Priorities, Procrastination
Thought that title would catch your attention. I found it in this New York Times article about learning how to think. The basic gist of the article is that we listen too much to “experts” and those experts are all to often wrong. The author supposes that is why financial experts were able to lead the US into the state of affairs we are now in. The funny thing is that studies show that there actually is an inverse correlation between the amount of fame that an expert has garnered and how often they are right. Experts that are more famous are ones that journalists can count on to have strong opinions and clear coherent presentation of those very black and white opinions. They are great for a sound bite.
The article references a professor at the University of California, Berkeley – Dr. Philip Tetlock. Full disclosure, I haven’t read his book that was referenced in this article.
“Mr. Tetlock called experts such as these the “hedgehogs,” after a famous distinction by the late Sir Isaiah Berlin (my favorite philosopher) between hedgehogs and foxes. Hedgehogs tend to have a focused worldview, an ideological leaning, strong convictions; foxes are more cautious, more centrist, more likely to adjust their views, more pragmatic, more prone to self-doubt, more inclined to see complexity and nuance. And it turns out that while foxes don’t give great sound-bites, they are far more likely to get things right.
This was the distinction that mattered most among the forecasters, not whether they had expertise. Over all, the foxes did significantly better, both in areas they knew well and in areas they didn’t. “
This resonated with me because in engineering there are a lot of people that believe in logic and believe in black and white thinking as the way to solve problems. For many years I was one of those engineers. You were RIGHT or you were WRONG. You got it or you didn’t. It was important to be opinionated in order to be respected. Debates turned into religious wars. Those who were confident and had the ability to fluently articulate their point of view could bully the less confident into decisions that often turned out to be bad ones.
I’ve been in the industry for a long time. The funny thing is that the longer I am in engineering the more I doubt my ability to make those snap decisions. I haven’t gotten into a flame war in a very long time. I want to make sure to listen to the voices that are normally silenced by the louder and more confident. Sometimes it take a lot of effort to get those opinions out. They do take much longer for the owner to synthesize and rationalize. Just because someone isn’t fast on their feet and isn’t able to pin down what is bothering them right there on the spot doesn’t mean that their gut feeling isn’t valid. Many times it is really important. Without that perspective bad decisions can be made.
Categories: Tactical
Tagged: Confidence, Listening
Recently I found a reference to something known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect. Basically the premise is that this effect is an example of cognitive bias in which “people reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the metacognitive ability to realize it”[1]. They therefore suffer an illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average.
The study made the following 4 predictions:
Prediction 1. Incompetent individuals, compared with their more competent peers, will dramatically overestimate their ability and performance relative to objective criteria.
Prediction 2. Incompetent individuals will suffer from deficient metacognitive skills, in that they will be less able than their more competent peers to recognize competence when they see it—be it their own or anyone else’s.
Prediction 3. Incompetent individuals will be less able than their more competent peers to gain insight into their true level of performance by means of social comparison information. In particular, because of their difficulty recognizing competence in others, incompetent individuals will be unable to use information about the choices and performances of others to form more accurate impressions of their own ability.
Prediction 4. The incompetent can gain insight about their shortcomings, but this comes (paradoxically) by making them more competent, thus providing them the metacognitive skills necessary to be able to realize that they have performed poorly.
Loosely translated this means that the more incompetent you are the less you are able to realize that you are incompetent and therefore the higher you rate your competence. In this study they found that people in the lowest quartile actually rated themselves *above* average. Conversely the more competent you are the more you know what you know and what you don’t know and you are subsequently likely to rate your competence lower than it actually is. Additionally the less competent you are the harder it is for you to be able to recognize true competence in others! I find this completely fascinating.
I have to give credit for this post to Steve Yegge’s blog where in this entry he talks about this phenomenon with respect to engineering hiring. He was a programmer at Amazon and at Google. Here are the links to his two blogs in case you want a timesuck that will last for days. He has a unique perspective and I really enjoy reading his writing.
Steve Yegge’s Amazon blog
-and-
Steve Yegge’s Blog Rants
[1]Kruger, Justin; David Dunning (1999). “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments”. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 77 (6): 1121–34. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.77.6.1121. PMID 10626367. http://www.apa.org/journals/features/psp7761121.pdf.
Categories: Tactical
Tagged: Confidence, Problem Solving
Moving from an individual contributor position to one where you are leading a team is a very hard transition. One day you’re worrying about what you need to get done… the next thing you know a whole team of people is depending on you. You’re being pulled every which way. Your staff is looking to you for encouragement and direction. They are looking for you to empower them to do their jobs – to make sure they have the resources they need to be successful. Your manager is looking to you to drive forward the company objectives. If you also have technical responsibilities you also need to keep up your skills. There isn’t enough time in the day to do all of it. You’re feeling like a failure.
Get over it! Yes, your heard me. GET OVER IT.
First, you need to recognize that you are never going to be able to maintain the technical edge you had before. Well, maybe you can – but you’ll have to give up your life. I didn’t think you’d want to do that – do you? Ok. you need to learn to fake it. Yes I am serious. Learn how to ask the right questions to make people think about what they need to do.
Second, you need to figure out how to be comfortable making decisions quickly with limited information. This is part intuition and part depending on the expertise of the people who report to you.
Third. You’re doing fine. Please remember that it can take a couple of years before you are really comfortable in your new skin as a leader. Don’t expect to feel successful right away. All you need to do is learn from everything that goes wrong, as well as everything that goes right. Be genuine. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. You were put into this position because someone believed in you. Believe in yourself.
Categories: Leadership
Tagged: Balance, Confidence, Leadership, Taking Responsibility
