Tag Archives: Stress

Public Service Announcement

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know that my husband and I have been experimenting with different diets, stress reduction techniques and workouts. All of this is an attempt to get some chronic health conditions that both of us have under control. I’ve alluded to my issues in the past, but every time I could have written about exactly what was going on, I decided to avoid sharing. I’ve told some of my friends, but almost always individually, never in a broadcast media. I was afraid. Health issues so publicly stated could be used to discriminate against me or my family. It also felt just a little too personal and raw. However, I have decided that it is important to my story to be more explicit. I will continue to protect my husband’s privacy though.

I hope that you can learn from my experience without having to live through it.

Since 2000 I have been almost exclusively working for startup high tech companies with tight deadlines, venture capital funding, and tough market competition. I’ve wondered at times if I would see my next paycheck because funds were getting so low. I’ve had to lay off 2/3s of my team on one day. I’ve been let go after my team made important deliverables so that a company could save a buck and continue to limp along. To put it mildly, I’ve seen some pretty severe job stress that would make a lot of people nuts. I thought I thrived on it. Mentally I liked the change and I loved the fast paced challenges. Physically, over the years it has been taking its toll. The funny part is that when I took a low stress job with a very successful company it stressed me out even more than the old “high stress” jobs did. I learned a lot about myself. I was not adapted to being a cog in the machine. I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to change how things were done for the better – and frankly in a lot of environments like the one I was in, that wasn’t about to happen. As I’ve said before, I felt like I was wearing a jacket 4 sizes too small when I walked into my office.

On the whole, I feel blessed because I was so healthy through the years. I maintained an appropriate weight, I stayed active, my blood pressure was low and all the various blood tests I’ve ever had were “perfect”. I always thought I had a cast iron stomach because I never caught stomach flus or ended up with food poisoning. I believed that I could eat just about anything. I was wrong. Oh boy was I ever.

I’ve always had some issues with acid reflux. You know – heartburn – that burpy, bad taste in your mouth after eating too much or too fast. That didn’t slow me down. I figured it was normal. I think most people think that it is normal – all those Tums and Rolaids commercials make you think everyone gets it. No it is not normal. Not when it happens to you every day and you’re eating Tums like candy. There is something wrong – you need to see a doctor. I didn’t, not at first.

What finally got me to a doctor was two courses of antibiotic treatment that I needed one summer: first for a localized staph infection and then for a root canal that punctured my sinus. The extremely strong antibiotics setoff a chain reaction in my stomach that was beyond terrible. I was miserable. My heartburn was awful and to make matters much worse my stomach was incredibly sensitive when touched. I also had a lump in my throat that would not go away. Off I went with a referral to a gastroenterologist and that started the long journey to where I am today. I am not exaggerating when I say that this completely changed my life.

The pathologist report after an endoscopy came back with two diagnoses. I had gastritis (which explained why my stomach hurt so much), and I had Barrett’s Esophagus. That stopped me dead in my tracks. This couldn’t be! That is an affliction for overweight middle aged men – not slim (ahem… middle aged) women. Barrett’s is a pre-cancerous condition that is manifested by the presence of stomach lining cells (goblet cells) in the esophagus. It is caused by chronic long term acid reflux. My body was trying to protect itself from the acid that was splashing around where it didn’t belong. Not everyone with Barrett’s gets cancer, but it definitely can increase your risk.

As always, the medical profession prescribes meds to fix problems. I’ve been through 4 different kinds of protein pump inhibitors. At one point I was taking 3 pills a day and I continued to feel terrible. Next I was sent to an ear nose and throat specialist who took a look around to see if the lump in my throat was caused by anything physically wrong aside from the acid reflux. The answer there was no. My larynx was red and swollen because even a little bit of acid applied to an open wound will prevent it from healing. Meds alone were not working, and some of them even made me feel worse.

Back to the gastroenterologist. This time for breath tests for food intolerances. Yay! Fructose, lactose, and bacterial overgrowth. I already knew I didn’t have celiac disease (gluten) from my biopsies. I was lactose intolerant. Well, there went the milk in my coffee, my daily yogurt and all non-aged cheeses. That made an immediate difference, but it didn’t fix everything. At least it was a start. Symptoms of lactose intolerance include coughing up mucous after having dairy foods and having IBS. I learned that a high percentage of adults actually are lactose intolerant to some degree, but most people don’t know it and they suffer for it.

The nerd that I am, I started reading. What could I do to lower my chances of developing any cancer? Eat more fruits and vegetables. What could I do to lower my chances of developing esophageal cancer? Stop eating acid producing foods. Thus began my journey into dietary experimentation, but that is for another post on another day.

The message I have for you today is: burpy, gassy, heartburny is NOT normal. Go to a doctor and get yourself checked for food intolerances and acid reflux problems before it is too late. Your body will thank you for it.

As a footnote – my most recent endoscopy shows no signs of active gastritis nor Barrett’s Esophagus. <GRIN> I am proof that it is possible to reverse a diagnosis just by taking better care of yourself.

Let the Frenzy Begin

Something really amazing happened to us last week. In this economic climate we sold our house after it had only be listed for 42 days on the market. We got a great offer, it was pretty close to our asking price, the buyer does not have any contingencies regarding selling another house, and they are already pre-approved for a mortgage. We really couldn’t have asked for a better scenario. Granted, it isn’t done until we sign the papers at the closing, but we are that much closer to consolidating our belongings into one place – down at the beach. Having one house will simplify our lives greatly, and from a cash flow perspective it certainly won’t hurt either!

There is one minor issue with all of this. The buyer wants to close (and we have to move out) by July 27th! Oh boy oh boy. We have been in our house for 13 years now and although I like to think that I am pretty ruthless about getting rid of detritus on a semi-regular basis we have a lot of work to do if we are going to be out in one month from today. We also have the one little issue that our beach house is rented through the summer season and we don’t even have access to it until August 20th. At that point we will be able to start converting it to our primary residence from a business property. Ok, I guess that makes two issues.

At this point I am obsessing about what stuff to sell, what stuff to give away, what stuff to pack (and when), how to move the stuff, and where the stuff goes for a month. Never mind that we have to find a temporary home for my husband, me, 3 cats and a 75 gallon fish tank. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. I’ll also add in nebulous worries about inspection findings and appraisal results. Gosh I wish I was a laid back person because I already feel like I’m wound too tight and we’re just starting the work.

I’m not sure how much you’ll hear from me over the next month – postings may dwindle to nothing – either that or I might need a place to vent about the silly things that inevitably happen when one moves on a tight deadline. Who knows.

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Well, it looks like the overall theme of this blog is about to change – big time. After 25 years of working in high tech I’m done. Finished. April Fool’s Day (appropriate?) was my last day at work, and today was my first day without a job and with no plans to find another one. I’ve waffled between the terms “sabbatical” and “retirement” and frankly, I’m not sure which one of those is most accurate. I’m taking it one day at a time, and I guess I’ll find out eventually. I’m hoping that an extended period in which I don’t have to be anywhere on a regular basis (and where I am not looking for a place to be on regular basis either) will lead to the rejuvenation of my creativity.

I have to admit, this decision was a lot more spur of the moment than I had anticipated it would be. It all started a few weeks ago when I woke up at 4am on a Sunday morning completely dreading going to work on Monday. It wasn’t the team I managed, it wasn’t my project, it wasn’t the company. It just was that I consider myself a entrepreneurial spirit and I found myself in a role in a large company that didn’t fit. In some ways it felt like I was wearing a jacket three sizes too tight. I finally had the ah-ha moment where I realized that this form of stress has continued to impact my health and my ability to recover from all the diagnoses that I’ve received in the last year. I needed a break.

I hope you stick with me and keep reading. The topics will change, but I am sure I’ll continue to apply my management skills to different types of projects. I might even start herding my cats for fun. That can’t be any more difficult than software developers can it?

The Gift of Fear

I finally got around to reading this book – “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker after hearing it recommended time and time again for dealing with potentially dangerous situations and to help determine if a relationship is abusive.

This book has been on my list for a long time, but it has always been a lower priority, in the context it usually is recommended (or that I’ve seen it recommended) it didn’t apply to me at all. How wrong I was. This book applies to everyone. I was amazed at some of the common sense advice that can be easily applied to many situations at work and in your personal life.

One of the key messages that hit me revolves around how do you fire someone, and when do you do it. If you are going to fire someone for reasons other than pure performance – for example due to behavior that is threatening or otherwise intimidating you need to do it as soon as possible. This doesn’t mean that you don’t tell the person directly why their behavior is inappropriate in order to remedy the situation. The problem is that most people are loath to approach someone like this in the first place. They wait and wait until a seemingly small infraction becomes the straw that broke the camel’s back. This is bad news. First off, the behavior has been implicitly condoned rather than immediately addressed. Secondly, the perpetrator has become more and more invested in their job over time. And third, since the firing appears to be over a small matter it may be taken badly since the person knows they have done more egregious things in the past.

Another key point of this section is to make sure to treat the person with dignity. If you’re afraid of them, don’t bring muscle into the meeting. No security, no cops, no escorts. This is counter intuitive, but showing your fear and the expectation of a bad outcome actually empowers the person to create one. You are showing that this is what you expect, no? This doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be available if a situation escalates, but this backup should not be visible.

Clearly another key item is to not beat around the bush when you tell someone they are fired. Be clear. You don’t want them to assume that it is just another performance appraisal and a request for change. Also do not negotiate. I loved the boomerang line – “If you had made the decision to leave we would have respected it, and we expect the same from you.”

There are many more lessons in here that can be used in running a successful business. I’ve also added more intuitive skills to my arsenal due to reading this as well. As a woman who has extensively traveled, I’ve become accustomed to late night arrivals and dark parking lots and garages. This book helps me to be better prepared to recognize a situation before it becomes a bad one.

Lifelong Learning

Recently I had the opportunity to reflect back upon all of the training I’ve received in order to become the leader that I am today. In my career I was extremely fortunate that I received a significant amount of management training before I was even considered for promotion into the role. I find the coaching of potential, junior, and mid-level managers to be critical to longer term success. Even as a senior manager I believe that it is important to continue learning, and to not always fall back on previous experiences.

Early in my career I worked for a company that had a mandatory training and assessment course for all potential managers. It identified if someone was ready to manage people, and the areas in which they were weak and strong. This was a course that could be failed and a person wouldn’t be promoted to a management position if it was. I remember this class as being very stressful. There were timed prioritization of work assignments, interviews, and video taped role playing exercises in which instructors acted as difficult subordinates and customers. This course started my foray into management.

I’ve also had some training that wouldn’t be classified as management training, but it helped me become a much better manager. One form of this type of training that I received is often dismissed by staff as being irrelevant – and that is diversity training. I found it helped me understand how to be sensitive to race, religion, and gender as well as realizing that different people have different motivations for what they do. Engineers may seem to all be very similar but in fact they are not. You can’t expect someone to want to do the same things that you want to do for all the same reasons. Some people care about money, some about life balance, and some about challenging work or career development. I find this to be key to being a good manager because by understanding what a person’s motivations are, you can assign them work that they can be successful at. This training course also was very clear about what is and what is not appropriate in a work environment. In a similar vein, I also took a class that included the Meyers-Briggs Inventory. This was an eye opener for me because it showed how much diversity there is in the various personality types and how the different types are perceived. It also provided suggestions for how to deal with the different types. In engineering there are a few common ones, but there are always some people that are different and harder to read and work with. I happen to be an INTJ in case you are familiar with this method of personality evaluation.

As my career progressed, I signed up for more intensive training courses that spanned longer periods of time. Another company that I worked for footed the bill for a year long class that required me to travel to San Francisco monthly. This program was designed for high potential women managers with a minimum of 7 years of supervisory experience who were being groomed for senior management positions. The program and others like it are run by an organization called Women Unlimited. If you are a woman manager or if you have one reporting to you, I’d suggest investigating this. I found it to be one of the most useful training programs that I ever attended.

Once I got to Director and VP level positions my training focus changed. Now I find it to be a lot more self-directed and individualized. I continue to read books and articles voraciously to learn about new trends and ideas. For the last few years at my last company I met weekly with a psychologist who works with leadership teams at small companies as a career coach. He taught me to depend not only on my analytical capabilities but also on my intuitive abilities. He also taught the leadership team as a whole to be more focused and to use empathy in dealing with one another as a way to speed resolution of issues. This was invaluable. A lot of times in business we focus solely on the analytic and reasoning aspects of our work and little on the people and relationship issues.

These days I also enjoy sharing the knowledge that I have accumulated. As those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know, last year I presented at the IGDA Leadership Forum. I enjoyed preparing my presentation and sharing my management experiences so much that it compelled me to start this blog and become more active in the Web2.0 world. There are a number of pages on this website that give management instruction through examples. I also frequently post and comment upon interesting articles and topics that are personal growth, business, and management related. I am experimenting with the use of twitter to share additional articles that I find interesting that I don’t necessarily feel the need to comment about. I have a regular following on both of these mediums, and it is growing. This is really cool.

Keep on learning. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you have enough time or that it is worth the effort involved. Do it, you never know when what you’ve learned might come in handy.

Positive Attitude’s Relationship to Solving Problems Through Insight

Journal of Cognitive Neuroscience article research showing that having a positive attitude improves problem solving through the use of insight.

“The distinction between insight and analytic solving has been anecdotally recognized for millennia and has been the subject of scientific inquiry for nearly a century (e.g., Duncker, 1945; Maier, 1930; Kohler, 1917). A plethora of behavioral evidence details how these two solving processes differ. Analytic processing involves deliberate application of strategies and operations to gradually approach solution. Insight, which is considered a type of creative cognition, is the process through which people suddenly and unexpectedly achieve solution through processes that are not consciously reportable. Insight solutions tend to involve conceptual reorganization, often occurring after solvers overcome an impasse in their solving effort, and are suddenly able to recognize distant or atypical relations between problem elements that had previously eluded them (Gilhooly & Murphy, 2005; Smith & Kounios, 1996; Schooler & Melcher, 1995; Weisberg, 1994; Schooler, Ohlsson, & Brooks, 1993; Metcalfe & Weibe, 1987; Metcalfe, 1986). When solution is achieved, these factors combine to create a unique phenomenological experience, termed the Aha! or Eureka! moment.”

The study is pretty dry – and goes through how the experiment was setup in detail. However I think the outcome clearly is expected. I don’t know about you, but when I am in a positive mood and not anxious I am able to do much better at making cognitive leaps. The more stressed out I get, the more I fall back into “brute strength” mode and use analytical capabilities to solve problems.

When Coping Mechanisms Aren’t Enough

Bear with me. This isn’t one of my usual posts today. It’s written in memory of someone that I wish I would have been able to get to know better. If he would have had someone close to him who had access to this information, he might still be with us today. Bye Reggie – I’ll miss you.

This subject is really serious, and it is really uncomfortable. In today’s economy there are a lot of people that are feeling completely hopeless for a lot of different reasons. Their jobs are stressing them out completely, they are at the end of their rope financially (and possibly at the end of their bank account and credit), many people have lost their jobs. There is a huge amount of suffering going around and some people just do not have the coping mechanisms to deal with the amount of pain that they are in. For some of those people, the only solution they can come up with is suicide. The leading cause of suicide is untreated depression. In these times, depression is a lot more common. This article talks about how work, depression, and suicide can be related.

“A 2005 UK study of 250,000 employees found people with low job satisfaction were most likely to experience emotional burnout, have reduced self-esteem and suffer from anxiety and depression. Even a modest drop in job satisfaction could lead to burnout of “considerable clinical importance”, the report said, adding: “The relationships are particularly impressive for aspects of mental health, specifically burnout, lowered self-esteem, anxiety, and depression, where it can now be confirmed that dissatisfaction at work can be hazardous to an employee’s mental health and wellbeing.” (5)

A 2007 study (6) of almost 1,000 32-year-olds found 45 per cent of new cases of depression and anxiety were attributable to stressful work. The researchers defined a highly demanding job as involving a lack of control, long hours, non-negotiable deadlines and a high volume of work (Hazards 100).

Overall 10 per cent of men and 14 per cent of women in the study suffered a first episode of depression or anxiety over the year-long study. But the risk was double in those with the highest pressure jobs, according to the paper published in the August 2007 issue of Psychological Medicine.”

Here is a resource for depression signs.

There are a lot of things that you can do when you recognize that your friend or coworker is having suicidal thoughts. When people bring this up – it is a cry for help. People who really are contemplating taking their own lives will talk about it first.

Here and here are some resource to help you talk to someone who is feeling like they can’t go on.

How become more Confident

Psychology Today reports that “You’re not alone in shunning center stage—shyness and social anxiety are as natural as breathing. But doing advance prep for a party or taking small social risks can lead to breakthroughs in confidence. Here’s how to relish even the brightest of spotlights.” in this article

I find that a lot of this advice really has helped me perform better in job interviews and when giving high pressure presentations to large audiences. I am a fan of the technique of “throwing oneself into a situation”.

  • Are you uncomfortable giving presentations? Volunteer to do a small one and prepare for it extremely well.
  • Do you hate making small talk with strangers? Go to parties where you will only know the host.
  • Do you get tongue tied during interviews? Have a friend ask you practice questions in advance.

Really – it isn’t that bad. Yes, it can stress you out, but if you look at it differently – as an opportunity to gain experience that will only last a certain predefined amount of time you can get through it. Once you get through it once, the second time isn’t so bad. Lather, rinse, repeat. Once you do something three or more times it becomes second nature and is on its way to becoming a habit.

One key strategy that I’ve employed is to really work at making the other person feel comfortable. You aren’t the only one who dreads these types of situations. Complement a pretty dress or unique piece of jewelry. Poke fun at a common acquaintance (Don’t be cruel though). Self deprecating humor tends to work pretty well too.

How to Manage Your Stress Level

Not too long ago I wrote about surviving the pressures cooker and some strategies that can help keep you healthy during periods of extended crunch time at work. Recently I found
this Harvard Business Review article that echoes a lot of my thoughts but also discusses how stress can be good for your productivity and how to recognize when you have gone past the tipping point into unhealthy stress. I had an AH-HA! moment when I saw the Yerkes-Dodson Curve. I’ve seen other people hit that tipping point many times, and I’ve experienced it personally. Just knowing that it happens to everyone at some level or stress or another is reassuring.

Surviving the Pressure Cooker

Have you ever worked on a high-stress project where it seems like the entire team becomes ill? Typically a cold or flu runs rampant through the organization. It hops from one key person to another and it seems that nobody is spared. People work until they drop, making others sick. I’ve found that this happens near the end of a long hard push. Everyone is tired. Everyone has been working long hours. It seems to be at its worst when a deadline just isn’t being met no matter how hard the team works. Everyone is disappointed, people feel like they are failing, no matter how audacious or impossible the goal.

I firmly believe that the people affected this way have some key characteristics in common.

  • The first one is that they care. I mean they really care about the success of the project and they will do everything within their power to ensure that success.
  • The second is they don’t have experience with failure. I’ve found that once you’ve looked into the ugly maw of a botched project or a failed company and survive that you realize that no matter how much you want to succeed that sometimes you can’t force that success no matter how hard you try. There are times that these things quite frankly are out of your control.
  • The third is that they don’t take care of themselves first.

I’ve been in situations where I’ve worked 100+ hour weeks. I’ve worked 6 and 7 days a week for long stretches at a time. I’ve spent death march weekends and holidays in the office. I’m not proud of it, it doesn’t reflect well on work-life balance. At the time it was necessary for company survival. When I made sure to spend some time to take care of myself – eat right – exercise – get enough sleep I fared much better. Yes, that meant that a lot of things got dropped in my life. My yard was a wreck, my house didn’t get cleaned, my husband had to pick up all of the slack and his job isn’t a cake walk either.

I’ve learned through personal experience that the third item is key. Well, at least it is for me. I put exercise pretty close to the top priority in my life. It improves my outlook on life, reduces my stress and helps me sleep well at night. These days I work out every day at lunch including weekends. I lift weights twice a week, I do body weight exercises (pushups, chinups, dips, burpees etc) twice a week, I play volleyball for a few hours on Sundays, and I get some sort of interval training/aerobic exercise two to three times every week. Now that the weather is getting nicer I try to walk for an hour now and then, or I do yoga inside instead in the evening.

Most people resort to other tactics to survive long stretches of overtime. They live on caffeine, sugar, and fast food. They stop exercising. They get little sleep. Unfortunately this not only makes one less productive it also makes a person much more likely to get really really sick.

Remember – take care of yourself first. You’re the only you that you’ve got.